High Maintenance Mom

We've been having trouble accomplishing our basic morning chores - get up, come to the table, eat breakfast, clear your plate, get dressed, etc. It's not really new trouble, just the realization that most mornings are a struggle. After reading Positive Discipline and particularly Positive Discipline A-Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems , which I highly recommend because it condenses the first book into 30 pages and then gives specific advice for numerous issues through the teenage years, I decided to try a family meeting. This was not our first family meeting. I've tried them several times while reading the books but I tend to want to try everything at once so it wasn't surprising they didn't work the first time. Somehow, this meeting was a success. Maybe the kids needed to adjust to the idea or maybe we were all in the perfect mood but somehow it worked...

We had our meeting at the kitchen table. My husband was not around so it was just the three of us. I started with my new 'I message'. "I get frustrated in the morning when I have to ask you to do our everyday chores over and over." "I'd like for us to think of ways we can help each other get through our morning routines. Remember, we've already decided that we do our chores first, then we can play. I notice there's a lot of playing before we're dressed and then we're rushing to get to school on time. Do you have any suggestions for what we could do?" N responds with, "My rule is that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." This is one of his new preschool rules that he's working on. I try to honor his suggestion and redirect the meeting with all my new tools. I reply with, "That's a great rule. What do you think we could do if someone was playing before they were dressed?" At this point I'm feeling happy for using my new tools but I'm not sure we're going anywhere. Then B says, "I think you should take the toy away for a day."

I was so excited - it appeared to be a suggestion with which we could all live. We decided that the toy would go away until the chore was done well (hopefully the next day). The kids seemed excited and we shared our plan with their father. The next morning B was playing instead of getting dressed and I came in with a smile to catch him. He seemed to be playing with two things and when I reminded him, he ran to his bed to meltdown. I asked him which of the toys he wanted to give up and he wandered back over and chose his Kronosaurus. He seemed so proud to be able to make the choice himself. Since then we've had other toys go away but they've all been returned within a day. Our mornings are not smooth yet, but they're getting better.

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