High Maintenance Mom

As I continue to search for ways to make our family life easier, I recently realized we had slipped into a really difficult period. My kids were constantly having fits and I was too tired to handle it. I'd yell; they'd cry, stomp, slam doors, and yell; and then I would try to make things better only to repeat the cycle. Recently, I've been trying a 'new' trick - point out the positive things in our day. I know it sounds really simple and prior to having two kids over three, I didn't realize I could forget this but, surprise, surprise, I did...

I now I try to start and end the day with positive comments. I'm using what a friend calls the sandwich technique - say something positive, say something to work on, say something positive. The concept that is helping me the most, and again if you're not in this situation you probably think it's strange to need help, is the thought that I want to develop the positive. For the past month, I've been focusing on the negative and the negative has been growing. Now I try to remember that my kids are often looking for ways to get more attention and by giving them attention for the positive, it's helping all of us.

I'm also trying to be careful about the types of positive comments I make because I don't want them to rely on praise. We have a rule about asking to be excused and clearing your plate but both kids have been running from the table. So instead of having them help at the end of the meal, I've started asking for help at the beginning of the meal. I try to be as explicit as possible making requests such as, "N, could you please bring four spoons to the table" and then thanking him. Both kids are much more helpful and I'm trying to relax about the end of the meal cleanup for a while.

I also try to comment about all the things B has done in the morning before school, even if he's made us late. I'll list the things he did with a smile, "hey B, so far you woke up, got out of bed, ate breakfast, got dressed, brushed your teeth, and now we're going to school" where I previously would have said, "you spent twenty minutes complaining about getting dressed so now we're late". We're still late but now neither of us feels like crying.

Related articles - yep, I've been struggling with this off and on for a while

• eat pray love parent - more on positive comments.
• Testing new methods for "praising" my son without saying "good job" - more on positive comments and how to praise