High Maintenance Mom

In the book eat love pray, Elizabeth Gilbert asks herself what word defines her. She says most people in New York are defined by the word ACHIEVE. Prior to having kids, my word was something like ACHIEVE, but since I've had kids, my word has changed to PUSH. I spend a significant part of my day trying to get my kids to get up, get dressed, brush teeth, wash hands, and go to bed. The methods, or more accurately, the resistance to my requests have become very tiring. My goal, or early New Year's Resolution, is to change from PUSH to something more soothing my kids will respond to...

First of all, I have to recommend the book because for the most part, it was enjoyable. There were several parts that really spoke to me.

Why are you so sure that your micromanagement of every moment in this whole world is so essential? Why don't you let it be?

Which brings me to the pushing. Part of the feeling is because I'm tired and my husband is also working long hours, and it was daylight saving time, and the excitement from Halloween, and the new schedule, and the earthquake, and the countless other surprises. But the point is there will always be these things and I would like to do a better job of riding them out.

My first step has been to phrase requests in the positive and try to give the kids more control. I'm working on saying "after you put your dish in the sink, you can have 20 minutes to play" or "could you come back to the table and help me figure out what we forgot to do?" instead of "get back here and clear your plate." And I'm also trying to laugh more with the kids. When N gets really upset and stomps around, I stomp too and he starts to giggle (it works with three year olds). We still do 20-30 second time outs for difficult behavior (tonight N hit B twice with different toys). But during the time out the kids get to choose where they want to sit and they get to count the seconds before they can return.

So we are taking small steps to try to make our days easier and I'm thanking Elizabeth Gilbert for giving me a new perspective and simple goal - SMILE.