High Maintenance Mom

B first became interested in the potty at 17 months but didn't decide that it was time to stop wearing diapers until 34 months. I was excited to stop changing diapers on two kids but I was also unprepared for the challenges that came with the first few months of wearing underwear...

1. Buying Underwear - It was fun to buy B his first underwear, blue dolphins from Gymboree (100% cotton) but B wouldn't wear them and insisted on going to Target like a friend of his. At Target we picked out three-packs of Nemo and Shrek underwear. B was very excited and didn't seem to care that the underwear wasn't as soft as the all cotton clothing I had been dressing him in since birth. When we opened the packages we found three different designs - sharks, the tank gang, and a little Nemo. The Shrek ones mainly had large designs on the butt making my three year-old want to wear them backwards to see the designs. We really didn't get to discuss the front versus the back for very long because B decided he would only wear the ones with all the sharks. He would have complete meltdowns if we couldn't find the underwear he wanted and each three-pack came with only one of the designs he liked. I think there are a lot of moms who would buy a three pack of just shark underwear for boys. And, if you're going to design underwear, please make sure you put the designs everywear and not just on the butt.

2. Accidents - I had heard that many kids have accidents well past the age of six but I had no idea what that meant for my child. I was also told to stay home with B for an entire weekend and take him to the bathroom every two hours. That method seemed to go against other advice that suggested B would one day decide he was ready and then magically he would be in underwear without any difficulties. When B decided to stop wearing diapers he was able to tell when he needed to use the potty but he didn't always get there in time. Sometimes he'd pee in front of the potty and other times he would pee elsewhere. I wasn't sure how much to push him to go and how much to wait for him to figure it out. In the end we did both - I made sure he used the potty before long car rides or before we went exciting places. We also let him have accidents so he would continue to learn how to get to the toilet by himself. If you are going through this process with your kids, it's really helpful to put them in clothes they can easily take on and off. Sweatpants and elastic waist bands work well - onsies with snaps and overalls are much more difficult.

3. My Own Anxiety - I was completely unprepared for the anxiety that came with leaving the house in underwear. I tried really hard not to show it but it was difficult. The first week was the hardest, "will he make it all the way to school?" or "what if I have to run an errand on the way home, will he be able to hold it?" or "what if we go to someone else's house?". At times I thought diapers might be easier but once B showed he was ready to wear underwear, he really did pay more attention. To help out, I would have B to use the potty before we got into the car and then I made sure that I knew where public restrooms were (I knew learning the locations of all the bathrooms within 10 miles of home during pregnancy would eventually be useful). The one place I wasn't concerned about was at school. I knew that our teachers had a lot more experience handling accidents than I do and I was interested to see how they continued to empower him.

4. Peeing Standing Up - Once we had mastered climbing onto the toilet to pee, B decided that he needed to stand like his father. At first I though it was a great idea. When he sat on the toilet, he needed to take off most of his clothes but when he stood, he could just pull down his pants. What I didn't realize was he could barely reach the toilet and he was easily distracted (when he looks to the side, he moves his whole body and I'm left with a better understanding of why public restrooms get so gross). I spend a lot of time cleaning up now that he's standing (both from missing the toilet and trying to keep the toilet clean for the next time he and his brother will touch it). Peeing standing up, however, is helpful in public restrooms where I can just lift him up to pee and not have to deal with him continuing to touch everything.

5. Sleeping Without a Diaper - B wanted to sleep without a diaper within a week of wearing underwear but we made him wait until he had a dry diaper two nights in a row. He's been sleeping without a diaper ever since. Generally it's fine. The times we have accidents are when he's overtired. Sometimes we carry him to the bathroom if he wakes up in the middle of the night. I realize that a plastic sheet is not very comfortable for most people but then neither is the type of underwear he likes. I find our $5.00 plastic sheet (we got ours at Target) very helpful.

6. Using the Bathroom at Night Requires Access to a Bathroom - I thought I had it figured out when I closed B's door and left him to sleep in his room with his little potty. Unfortunately for me, he's decided he's too big for the little potty and needs to use the big potty at night. If we left his door open he'd wander around the house for most of the night so we try to give him two trips to the bathroom. We are still working on helping him to understand that he needs to stay in his room at night but we had that problem before he was in underwear too. One of the other things we've found helpful is to have a nightlight in his bathroom.

7. Washing Hands is Part of the Battle - Now that B is using the potty on his own and touching everything in the process, I have been trying to find ways to make sure he washes his hands. He has a stool to get up to the sink and now has special soap. His first special soap was a foaming soap for adults, which he didn't really use. About a month ago I bought him Kandoo soap and flushable wipes. He loves them. I'm not sure if it's the frog, the fun name, or the soap but he's finally washing his hands.

8. Testing Limits - About a month into wearing diapers I was told by his teachers at 3 or 4 pm that he hadn't used the potty yet that day. I was hoping nothing was wrong - was he dehydrated? It turns out that B will hold it for long periods of time, which is still scary for my brain that focuses on bladder infections instead of the ability to run errands without stopping. I'm under the impression that he will eventually stop holding it for so long. And I also know that he will pee several times in the evening before bed - because he can.

9. Saying goodbye to diapers for good - Like many other milestones, I wasn't sure when B was officially "potty trained". There were sports classes that required the kids to be potty trained but I didn't know what that meant. Could I put my kids in underwear and pretend? Is someone going to ask me if he still sleeps in a diaper? Some kids wear underwear for a bit and then decide they want to wear diapers again, which made it even more confusing. A friend told me that once they start wearing underwear to not let them go back but I wasn't sure if that would work for us. In turned out we only had one or two times when B asked for a diaper and luckily, he didn't really want to wear it, just to see it was still there. We ended up telling him we were going to get rid of his diapers since he didn't need them anymore (yes, the diaper fairy came because it was so close to giving up the pacifier and he still hadn't gotten his stuffed animal seagull).

B's been wearing underwear since early March and it seems natural to all of us now. He runs off to the potty whenever he needs to go and will hold it in the car when necessary. He still has accidents at times but is very aware of them and will help us clean them up. We don't miss the diapers at all.

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