Saying goodbye to the binky

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Submitted by HighMaintenanceMom on July 9, 2005 - 20:39.

I mentioned my son's pacifier use to our pediatrician at one of our numerous visits and it was suggested that we get rid of it before his third birthday. Our pediatrician had collected his daughters' binkys to give to a pacifier fairy, who then left a more age appropriate gift. Creating a pacifier fairy seemed to complicate the situation, however, none of the discussions with friends or stories on the internet provided an alternative that I thought would be successful for us...

We had originally used the pacifier because our 3 day-old was described by many lactation consultants as a piranha and I was finding breast feeding to be extremely painful. He didn't use it often after the first few months but we didn't take it away before he turned one because weren't sure if he would start sucking on his fingers, which we had heard would be worse for his teeth. We will never know if the increased pacifier use made him want to later suck on his fingers or if he was always going to do it. Either way, we thought we were helping him to get over an oral fixation, not start one. So there we were with a mobile seven month-old who had never used a pacifier and a 33 month-old who left his pacifiers lying around for his younger brother to suck on.

Giving the pacifiers to a pacifier fairy sounded like a plan so I mentioned it to B. I do realize that B is not a rational being and that he really doesn't need me to check in with him about all upcoming events. Needless to say, he didn't like the idea of giving up his pacifier, but he was interested in the gift. I told him that we would have a party to celebrate, another bad idea, and then I asked him what gift he would want because I couldn't stop talking and was going for a bad idea hat trick. The next evening one of his teachers took me aside and asked if we had been talking about taking away the pacifier. From what I understand, B wouldn't give up his pacifier after nap. He started to scream that he didn't want the pacifier fairy to come and that it was his. Those are some of the moments I really wish I had on video. I explained what had happened, feeling somewhat foolish, and was told that I should get rid of the pacifier as soon as possible. It was Wednesday night. I had two days to locate a stuffed animal sea gull in return for several pacifiers.

I looked everywhere and couldn't find anything resembling a sea gull so I bought a stuffed animal shark, Bruce, from Finding Nemo, and a bunch of other things that I am still planning to return. We invited friends over for a celebratory dinner. I picked up B early and we went to buy the pizza. He cried several times in the car about giving up his pacifier. All I could do was try not to panic about taking away this obvious safety blanket in front of friends. What was I thinking? Halfway through the drive, I wanted a pacifier for myself. I tried a more positive approach by talking about what was going to happen that evening. B came up with a story about how Bruce was going to eat all the pacifiers and then the dragons were going to come to eat the pacifier fairy. There were going to be 10 dragons all named Charlie and we needed to feed them pizza.

The first night was difficult. He didn't fall asleep until 11pm and I was curled up in a ball in the living room trying not to listen to him cry. He woke several times during the night and I could hear, "I didn't want Bruce to eat the pacifiers." The next day was a little easier. He asked a few times for the pacifier and had a slightly easier time sleeping. By the third day he barely said anything about it.

I managed to remember to replace the pacifier from daycare with a note and second shark Bruce before Monday morning. On the way to daycare he told me that he hoped the pacifier fairy didn't remember to take the one at school. At nap time, he asked for the pacifier and was told that the pacifier fairy had come there too. It was nice that the teachers played along although a little painful looking back on it. The card I wrote with the picture of the shark helped. Since then he's been fine and we are so relieved.

Other methods for getting rid of a pacifier that I've heard work are to cut the rubber part off of the pacifier, to not replace broken ones, and to gather them in a box and throw them away before an event like a new sibling. One site discussed talking to your child about how they're not a baby anymore so they don't need them. Our particular brand of new age parenting focuses on letting children decide and articulate how they feel, therefore, telling a child that they are no longer a baby doesn't empower the child correctly for future decisions. It could also make the introduction of a new sibling more difficult. It would appear that taking away the pacifier before the age of one wouldn't require as elaborate a ritual. I think that no matter what you do, you shouldn't give warning and you need to get rid of them completely. When B was screaming the first night, I really wanted to give it back to him. I was also tempted on our first long car ride and our first airplane trip. I'm glad I didn't and I've been surprised by how quickly he adjusted. Within a few weeks B mentioned that all his friends use binkys but he doesn't (he sees them at nap time). He seemed proud of his accomplishment and actually took an interest in potty training (learning) shortly thereafter -- I really can't say if there is any correlation. He did get the sea gull, which I had to order online, for getting rid of all of his diapers at school.

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( categories: Parenting )

Pacifier sob story

Submitted by contessa on July 11, 2005 - 08:44.

We tried to keep the binky use restricted to at night and in the car. When we finally decided to take it away I couldn't stand listening to the crying and ended up giving it back. Bad idea! When we tried to take it away again the crying lasted a lot longer and I had to leave the house. Luckily it took under a week and we're all happier without it.

binky fairy success

Submitted by Anonymous High Maintenance Moms (not verified) on August 11, 2005 - 18:05.

i didn't think my 3 year old daughter was ever going to get rid of the binky. i never wanted to have that kid that was obviously too old for a pacifier, walking around looking and acting like a baby. then, after her 3rd birthday realized it was too late. i didn't think we'd ever get rid of it. at 3 she was more addicted to it than ever. she wanted it constantly.
after reading the story about the binky fairy, i decided i would try anything. it worked like a charm! she only asked for it once, and i told her, her binky was gone and the fairy couldn't give it back, and wasn't the stuffed elephants she had gotten in return so much better than her binky anyway? she agreed. i said everytime you feel like you miss your binky, just give your elephants a big hug. since, everything has been great! and surprisingly, she fell asleep perfect the first night without it.
my suggestion to anyone who wants to try this trick, talk about first then go shopping and find something they really want and feel they can't live without. before you leave, call the binky fairy and tell them where to get your child's toy. then when you get home, leave a note and have your child leave the binky in the special spot. take them out for a walk, have one parent stay home and leave the toy out.
my daughter was so happy to find her elephants in place of the binky. i think the trick to success is to do it all in one day. don't drag it out over a few days because the idea will loose it's thrill.
thanks so much for sharing the binky fairy idea with us! great idea!

Gradually worked for us

Submitted by Anonymous High Maintenance Moms (not verified) on August 16, 2005 - 21:44.

Our son used a binky whenever he wanted it up until he was a year old. He is a former micropreemie so we kinda were easy on him about it. We weened him off the bottle by his bday by gradually replacing them with cups, so i thought for the binky we would try a gradual approach too.

I started by having him put the binky in his bed after naps, and the it would be there for the next nap or bedtime. After a while of asking him to do this, he started leaving it there without having to be asked. After a while of that, he only got his binky for naps (including naps in the car on long drives), and right before his second bday we just stopped giving it to him period. He went to sleep that night in the car, so it was kinda cheating, but the next night he didn't even ask for it.

Several times within the next month I wished we had a binky, because it helped him go to sleep - he's the type who stays awake if he's having a good time or is interested in what's going on - but painfully but thankfully, we never did.

He sometimes sees babies and other toddlers with them and he points and I tell him what it is, but I think it's more of a curiosity not a want on his part. He's 28 months now and I doubt he even remembers having been a binky boy. Praise God!

Pacifier

Submitted by Anonymous High Maintenance Moms (not verified) on August 21, 2005 - 00:45.

The "pacifier fairy" visited our home as well. She took all of them to give to little babies that dont have any. She left the VERY BIG present that we promised. We talked about it and described what would happen when she turned 2-1/2. It was difficult for about two nights, each time it got rough, we pointed out the giant blow-up ball pit that is nearly the size of our front room. I'm not sure how this particular gift was decided on...panic I think. Anyway, we are both still a little surprised that it's done.

I have a three year old and

Submitted by Anonymous High Maintenance Moms (not verified) on November 21, 2005 - 22:12.

I have a three year old and tonight the paci fairy is coming "to our house"!! I love to make everything a huge deal and I think I offered the pacifier just so I could play the fairy one day!! Just Kidding.
I got on the computer with my son and he picked the MONSTER remote control 4x4!! We printed the toy out on paper and wrote a short letter thanking her. I think I am more excited to see his reaction to the new truck. I cannot thank all of you above and below for such wonderful ideas.. God Bless

COURTNEY FRAZIER PANE!!

goodbye pacifier

Submitted by Anonymous High Maintenance Moms (not verified) on January 6, 2006 - 12:21.

This site is great!!! I found many suggestions about saying goodbye to the "binky" as it is called in our house. I have already restricted it's use to naptime and bedtime.I think we will try the fairy aproach and get a new toy to help ease the transition. Thanks to all the moms who wrote in their sucess stories.

kids should not play with blue toys after they are 3 years old.

Submitted by bernieg1 on May 4, 2006 - 20:47.

So I told my wife - we have to figure out how to stop little Johnny from playing with blue toys after he's 3 years old.

So she asks me why I would want to do something as stupid as that. What harm can playing with a blue toy possibly do.

Well, I said, my mother always taught me that it's childish to play with blue toys after you are 3 years old. It's time for Johnny to become a man.

So she says to me, you and your mother are both idiots. There is no harm to letting a child play with blue toys. In fact, Johnny will stop playing with toys whenever he's ready. There's no need for you to even get yourself into a silly blather about it all. And why does it even concern you?

Well, I says, where I come from it's a sign of childishness. 3 year old children should stop being children. It's time to grow up.

*******************************

If any of you said to yourself that I am a complete idiot, you'd be right. Now substitute binky for blue toy and tell me how silly you all feel.

Stop micromanaging your children. Little Johnny or Mary will stop the binky a lot sooner if you would just stop paying attention to it for God's sake. It's not an issue. There is no harm to sucking on a binky. It calms down the child.

Whenever I'm on vacation there is always some child at Disney world screaming her lungs out. I usually tell the parent - "you took her off the binky too soon." I know what you're thinking. I'll have parents telling me to mind my own business. Never happens. Usually they get a sheepish look on their face and nod grudgingly as if to admit they did precisely what I said.

Leave your children alone. Teach them the important things in life. Never harm another person. Never lie to your parents. You know what they are. Getting into a knot over binky fairies is rather pathetic. Stop it.

Rethinking the whole take away binky idea

Submitted by phsykee on May 12, 2006 - 13:02.

NOT!!!! My sympathies to your wife and maybe you should have stopped playing with Blue toys after 3. We, parents (and you don't sound like you are one) don't take away our child's pacifier simply because it's childish. Yes it is calms a child but it also becomes a crutch and even worse affects the growth and health of their teeth. I can't speak for everyone but I for one wish I could keep my child with his adored "paci", it breaks my heart every time I have to take it away but as a parents we need to do our JOBS and make this transition happen. The longer we wait the worse for the child. I have a 23 month old who got his teeth early and I have to do what's best for him. Hhhmmm I hate to think of what else you would let your child hold on to just because it makes him/her calmer and make your life easy.
I was deeply bothered by your comment, it not only shows how ignorant you are about the whole parenting deal you show no sensitivity to new parents who are just trying to do what's best for their children.

so do I feel stupid...if playing with blue toys would in any way shape or form harm my child well yes I would find a way to make him stop playing with blue toys. So to answer you no I don't feel stupid. I know my child is a child but I am the adult and need to HELP my child through not only this transition but all the future transitions he will have to face so he can become a self sufficient, loving, caring human being who will contribute to society....and all this needs to start early.

I applaud everyone in the forum that was successful in prying the "binkys" "pacis" away and for the strength to do so. Your children are better for it...and for those who are weak and have unsuccessfully tried (I hate to say it, but I fall under this category,) all I can say is persistence. I have tried almost everything, but my only recourse is to keep on trying. I will make another attempt, everyone wish me luck.

FYI

Submitted by mommy mandy on January 3, 2007 - 22:09.

I'm 25 years old and I'M STILL FREAKING SUCK MY THUMB. Why??? Because my mom thought I would "grow out of it." Plus, my adorable two-year-old little girl is already getting buck teeth. I have already tried ignoring it as you suggested and actually timed one day how often she used it, she only took it out to eat--that's it, to eat. Some people just have more addictive personalities than others, from the very beginning. It's genetics. I know this because I was a psychology major at three different universities, focusing on child psychology. Therefore, I think it's great that some parents give each other advice about any and every issue they come across. We all want what's best for our kids and we all need and want support on what we find a challenge in this crazy ride called parenting. I also think it's great that these parents are trying to find a gentle way of breaking their child's habit. Instead of just taking it and saying, "Because I said so, that's why." So, I would like to know-when (or if) your children are older and they decide they want to smoke or drink or have sex in their teen years because it comforts them, are you going to let them out grow that too? Parenting is the hardest job ANYONE will EVER have. Give these wonderful, loving parents a FREAKING BREAK.

Sorry I do not believe you.

Submitted by bernieg1 on March 13, 2007 - 22:31.

Sorry I do not believe you. If you were still sucking your thumb at 25 I would have seen it on the Discovery Channel.

But let's believe that you are telling the truth no matter how far-fetched it sounds, being a psychology major you should know that if you were indeed still sucking your thumb past adulthood it certainly is not because you're mother thought you would grow out of it. By the time you were a teenager you should have found a boy to substitute for your oral needs.

As for when my children were older and reason and argument would be able to sway them, my example of living a life without smoking and drinking steered them in their proper course. As for sex, I was not willing to live as a Trappist Monk and since I did not think sex is bad for them as smoking and drinking is, I took another approach that taught them how to be cautious.

When children are too young to understand why you are depriving them of something that comforts them - don't do it.

And when children are old enough to understand why you wish to deprive them of something that comforts them - explain it to them.

Wonderful, loving parents do not treat little children like trained monkees. The binkie is your problem not your daughter's. She does not have a problem - you do.

do some research first

Submitted by bernieg1 on May 13, 2006 - 16:26.

First of all, even 25 years ago when my children (Yes I was a parent of two boys and I am now a grandparent) had their binkies I bought the kind that were shaped properly to avoid pushing the teeth forward. Both stopped of their own accord and without fuss and bother. Additionally I never once put a hand to either boy and neither grew up disrespectful of adults nor involved in drinking, smoking, or taking of drugs, so I would like to say that sane binkie use and respecting children by never being violent toward them has obviously contributed to their being exemplary adults.

I have been told by hundreds of parents, yes hundreds, that they would trade their children for mine any day. They are decent, law-abiding, sensible, respectful, generous, kind young men. I never had to threaten them, beat them, or harass them about stupid, silly, inconsequential things like binkies.

As for my sensitivity to new parents, you are quite correct - I don't give a crap about your sensitivies. Know why? Because you are big boys and girls and can handle the slight to your ego. I am concerned about the CHILDREN - remember them?

Every psychologist will tell you that brutally beating your child senseless will not make the child behave any better - but that parents do it because it makes THEM feel better.

I say the above because there are parents who still abuse their children in this day and age because it makes them feel better.

The binkie problem is only a problem to parents, certainly kids have no problem with it - they stop using binkies voluntarily when parents stop obsessing about them.

As for being a crutch - all children stop using them when it is the right time. And what is it a crutch for? What, are you afraid they'll show up in high school with a binkie in their mouth? Stop being ridiculous.

So if you buy non-tooth-damaging binkies, what other reason do you have for taking them away? ... ... ... [sound of crickets chirping in the woods]

Absolutely Right!!!

Submitted by wernermom on July 2, 2006 - 18:44.

I have 5 boys ranging from 4 months to 12. I have never taken away the pacifier and my 12 year old is not walking around with one in his mouth nor does he have teeth problems from it. We all have "crutches" in our lives and why would you demand that the thing that helps your child calm down be taken away??? I was so happy to see someone else with the voice of reason and what I thought was great is that because he has a different opinion that makes sense you assume he has no children. Like he said stop micro managing your kids and just let them be kids for crying out loud why make them grow up faster than they already are.

I did buy the orthopedic

Submitted by mommy mandy on January 3, 2007 - 22:21.

I did buy the orthopedic paci's and she still has a buck-tooth problem. I'm sorry but I'm not quite following the rant about abuse. Noone is talking about anything abusive here. I think it's great that you have such outstanding children. My daughter who will be two on Saturday, Jan. 6, 2007, was at a three-year-old verbal level at 18 months (told to me by my pediatrician) and uses manners ALWAYS (please, thank you, excuse me, may I?, etc). She is extremely advanced and polite and I get compliments on her behavior every single day. She knows her alphabet (can point them out without being in order), can count to 21, all of her colors, all animals and their noises, hundreds (yes hundreds) of words, all shapes and many other skills. I have NEVER and WOULD NEVER abuse her either but I am planning on using the Paci-Fairy this weekend and I will be there to comfort her in any way that she needs to overcome the obsession of the paci. I would like to ween her off because of her teeth and sanitary purposes as well as because I'm still a thumb-sucker at 25 because my mom didn't believe in helping me quit. I think it's great also that your children gave them up without a fuss but not every child is alike. I have seen 7-year-olds with paci's and I'm sure there are many more closet cases.

Best of luck with the Paci-Fairy!

Submitted by HighMaintenanceMom on January 5, 2007 - 12:49.

Good luck with the Paci-Fairy. Your daughter sounds wonderful and she's lucky to have such a great mom.

The orthopedic binkie does

Submitted by bernieg1 on March 13, 2007 - 23:00.

The orthopedic binkie does not have the mechanical ability to push the teeth out, so I have no clue what you are talking about. If you think your daughter is buck-toothed it is all in your mind. I know parents who thought their child walked pigeon-toed and wanted to put their 4 year old son in steel braces to straighten his stride. When they asked my opinion I could not see anything wrong with his walk.

I tried to explain to the parents about a parental illness that makes parents want to overprotect their children to the point of hysteria. I almost expected the mother to tell me that she herself walks funny because her mother did not put steel braces on her! Fortunately for the boy they did nothing. My nephew has no probelm with his walk now, 26 years later, and of course, never did.

Anyway, we all know about Munchhausen Syndrome By Proxy. This is when a parent falsifies either the child's history or her own in order to put into place certain protective measures for the "good of the child". Of course, these parents think they are wonderul, loving parents.

You will have to ask yourself why you feel this compulsive need to take away a pacifier from a two year old child. Spare me about the buck teeth, since it is an old wive's tale that sucking a thumb or binkie before the age of 4 causes buck teeth - medically it cannot happen because her permanent teeth have not yet begun any significant growth. I urge you to check with an orthodontist first before worrying about buck teeth so early.

If she is still sucking on a binkie after age 4, get a real orthopedic binkie. But I am sure the more you continue making a fuss about her binkie, the longer she will want to suck on one. If you actually, really still suck on your thumb after all these years then you have blocked out how your mother abused you in regard to your early binkie use. As you may have read in many psychology studies, most parents who have experienced abuse as children in turn abuse their children in the very same manner over the very same items in dispute even though they themselves have no recollection of that abuse.

If you cannot sleep at night obsessing about your daughter's binkie use - something that helps her sleep, prevents SIDs, gives her comfort and joy - then you need to face your real problem. I suggest seeing a therapist and asking for help with your compulsion to control and manipulate your daughter, whom you profess to love and adore.

wow I am new to site. And

Submitted by notsoperfectwor... on July 2, 2007 - 08:41.

wow I am new to site. And wow to the way people have reacted to the binky story. We call them "bobos" by the way. I was motivated by the fairy story and I admit I was worried about the "bobo" use, it falls on the floor and you have to sanitize it. Maybe it has nothing to do with it but I have seen babies interchanging theirs " just because" . It seems to me that they are a focus for infection, and since my baby suffers frequent colds, that have a knack to turning into serious respiratory problems, I thought that if I eliminated the "bobo", it would be helpful. Did I mention how exhausting is to administer therapies and medicines on the hour? Nevermind..

I took away the bobo, simply said to everyone and to her that somehow they were lost. all of the bobos are lost. The thing is that I am regretting my decision I realized this weekend that she is sucking on her bottle to substitute for the "bobo" . Now that I've taken it away, I cannot back down.
My problem is that my baby never got fixated on anything, never had a lovey dovey and it's not possesive of anything. So I did not even try to susbtitute the bobo for a stuffed animal. I don't know if did the right thing or not. and if did not do the right thing, then how do I fix it? I did start the bobo use because she started sucking her fingers, her middle one, right of the bat. ANd since it easier to take away the bobo, than the fingers. I don't know I am so confused right now. she has not forgotten, asking for her bobo at least once a day and now is increasing the sucking time at the bottle.and those temper tantums, the bobo really helped with them.

Bobos and questioning decisions

Submitted by WestCoastMom on July 2, 2007 - 20:50.

I agree that many of these decisions are confusing. Our kids became attached to their blankets but are less attached now. I'm questioning other decisions I've made but then that's the kind of day it is. I'm hoping to get more sleep tonight and feel better in the morning.

There is always time to introduce other items. If your child has respiratory problems, I do not recommend a bed full of stuffed animals. Have you checked out Allergy Control Products? KidsAllergyStop.com has a bunch of toys for kids with allergies that you might find useful. They also have useful books.

Hang in there. I feel your pain. After how many days is she still asking for her bobo?

Trying a lovey

Submitted by kmanies on July 5, 2007 - 15:45.

Another suggestion - retry the lovey. My son had nothing to do with them for a long time, but now try and get him to sleep without "Bear". He even gives him hugs during the day sometimes. But when he was first introduced T could have cared less. Then, sometime later (probably in desperation) we tried again and he took to him. Now, if we ever lost Bear we'd be in trouble, but my point is that sometimes a child can switch their affection. Worth a try....

the bobo

Submitted by notsoperfectwor... on July 6, 2007 - 07:28.

mmm. hey thanks for your suggestions. when did she ask last? uff last night she asked for the bobo and then as I explained for the unnumbered time that the bobo got lost, she changed and asked for the bottle. The funny part is that she does not needs it to sleep. She always asks for the bobo when she is upset which is different. What other comfort thing can I give her, a big soft doll to hug, maybe. not the stuffed animals.
Well I believe this too shall pass. I can't start backtracking my decisions because then she will see me as liar and that's not the plan. must stay firm.

Good memory

Submitted by WestCoastMom on July 7, 2007 - 21:27.

I'm impressed by her memory. It sounds like she's very intelligent. Hang in there because there may be lots of negotiating on her end in the future.